When Claudius is Right

How thick can they get? When someone tells you to stop, you stop! I don't want to hear any of your bullshit! All you do is hurt me. God I wish it all would stop.

"When sorrows come, they come not single spies, But in battalions." (Hamlet, Act IV.) Amen to that. Ain't that the truth?  

Forbidden Fantasies

It was only a dream. But it felt so real! I wish it was. It was a dream of prom night continuing, and Jordan D.* was telling me to sneak out of the house to hang out with him. We walked in the night, and cuddled and looked out at the stars. Then, we went back to prom and danced and talked. I kept on asking him, "But aren't you dating Briana?" But he never replied. Right when we were about to kiss, I woke up. 

I couldn't believe it wasn't real. I could feel the wind blowing against me, and the warmth of his body as it was pressing against me. The feeling of his arm around me, holding tight. The way his eyes could pierce in to you. Everything felt so much more than a dream. The one time I truly felt like I had a Cinderella moment - it was all in my head. 

I know we'd be so good together. It can't be just nothing. But he and I come from different crowds. I don't think he would accept me. Maybe if he breaks up with his girlfriend would he ever even look at me in real life. But I know he definitely would never like me, as he probably nearly hates me by now. All that remains is a forbidden fantasy. 

*name has been changed. 

The Door is Firmly Locked

I wish I could write through it all. The words would be streaming out, and my pain would be bleeding through them. I wish I could put it all there. Let it out. But these blocks are thwarting expression. I can't put it into words. It is indescribable. All I can do is draw a blank towards the outside, with the things I hold back slowly creeping and hurting me inside.