Friday, March 20, 2015
Friday, March 6, 2015
Inside My Thoughts
When I am inside my brain, I am in a scary place. Any distraction keeps the darkness at bay. As reality rushes back to me, thought after thought washes over. Each thought is worse than the one before, and any glimmer of hope is quickly drowned by the overwhelming reality. I look at others, and wonder, and sink deeper and deeper into the inner chasm.
Lungs fill up with thick and tangible darkness. I can feel it. I feel it rise from the innermost pits of hell. I feel it working it's way through my limbs. It encircles every nerve. As if by command, it clenches. The tentacles tighten around my neck. Something stops my heart from beating. Brain is racing but frozen at the same time. The cold works its way in. The end is near. I am alone.
Lungs fill up with thick and tangible darkness. I can feel it. I feel it rise from the innermost pits of hell. I feel it working it's way through my limbs. It encircles every nerve. As if by command, it clenches. The tentacles tighten around my neck. Something stops my heart from beating. Brain is racing but frozen at the same time. The cold works its way in. The end is near. I am alone.
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Behind Closed Doors
Shut up! Just shut up! Get out!Get out of my head! Get out of there!
They have no idea what they are talking about. They poke their noses into everything, thinking they know it all. But do they really? They throw accusations at me, believing they are omniscient beings standing in front of a failure, a disappointment.
How do they know what the protagonists don't tell them? How can they know about the drama that has been unfolding these past four years? How can they know anything about what goes on behind closed doors?
What goes on behind closed doors.
Nobody can tell. Nobody knows the real truth. Everybody assumes they know it. They think it is explainable in a single word. They do not and will not dig deep to find the truth. They will cling on to what is comfortable. And then the blame falls on me. Of course it does. Who else could be at fault?
I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be. I try hard, but I still mess up. But someday, they'll see the truth. They will realize exactly how wrong they were, and how much they hurt me. They will see how twisted the words of the past were.
But it will be too late. I'll be gone, and the damage has been done. The accusations will stay. Then they will realize, that nobody knows what truly happens behind closed doors.
What happens behind closed doors.
Or possibly, they'll never know. I'll be left with it all. The hurt, the blame. In the words of another, "We'll say goodbye. We'll say that you didn't try..." And they will never know, what really took place, all those years ago, behind closed doors.
It all took place behind closed doors.
They have no idea what they are talking about. They poke their noses into everything, thinking they know it all. But do they really? They throw accusations at me, believing they are omniscient beings standing in front of a failure, a disappointment.
How do they know what the protagonists don't tell them? How can they know about the drama that has been unfolding these past four years? How can they know anything about what goes on behind closed doors?
What goes on behind closed doors.
Nobody can tell. Nobody knows the real truth. Everybody assumes they know it. They think it is explainable in a single word. They do not and will not dig deep to find the truth. They will cling on to what is comfortable. And then the blame falls on me. Of course it does. Who else could be at fault?
I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be. I try hard, but I still mess up. But someday, they'll see the truth. They will realize exactly how wrong they were, and how much they hurt me. They will see how twisted the words of the past were.
But it will be too late. I'll be gone, and the damage has been done. The accusations will stay. Then they will realize, that nobody knows what truly happens behind closed doors.
What happens behind closed doors.
Or possibly, they'll never know. I'll be left with it all. The hurt, the blame. In the words of another, "We'll say goodbye. We'll say that you didn't try..." And they will never know, what really took place, all those years ago, behind closed doors.
It all took place behind closed doors.
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